I'm Stuck

So I'm a rather huge dilemma.

Like, possibly life-altering.

I've never actually told anyone this before, but here goes.

So, as I said in an earlier post, skipping classes was a very very very bad idea.  I got stuck in a place where I couldn't even start going back to class again because I was so far behind.  Well, now it's the same situation, but far worse.
Basically, nothing's improved.  I'm doing alright in one of my English classes now, but the workload for even that one class is getting pretty steep.  My History class is a blessing in that there are no assignments other than tests, so as long as I stay up-to-date with the material then I should be fine.  My other three classes are not going so wonderfully.

I've already missed one major assignment in my British Lit class, I'm extremely far behind on my English Grammar class (and my teacher is very unlikely to be forgiving of my absence), and my grade in my German class can only be saved by an act of God.
And I have tests for all five classes the week after next.

Now, see, here's the thing: what do I do at this point?  Do I just drop my classes to save my G.P.A.?  If I do, then I'll have wasted a couple thousand dollars in student loan money.  If I don't drop the classes, and work my absolute hardest on all five of them for the remainder of the semester, can I get anything better than a C in each of them?  I mean, the only class I'm actively attending is the one that's the most demanding, and I'm doubtful that I can get an A in that class despite the fact that English is by far my best subject.  If I work hard and actually do things right from here on out, then can I still get anything better than a 2.5 grade average?  I mean, because I transferred this semester, my G.P.A. is wiped clean and brand-new.  My 3.29 grade average from my last school won't do anything to help my current G.P.A.  And what's that going to do for me? It'll only hurt my chances of getting a good job and qualifying for some desperately-needed scholarships.  It's like there's nothing I can do.

And I feel horrible about all of this.  I really don't understand why all of this happened.  I've never been a bad student before; in high school I was beloved by all my teachers, and was known as one of the best and brightest students.  Heck, my personality type is statistically the best for being a student.  So why on Earth have I acted so stupidly?

It's a cycle; every semester I screw up, but promise myself that it'll be better next semester, and that I'll actually put in effort and do things right.  And every time I believe it.  I went into this semester thinking that I was doing great; that I was finally going to live up to my potential, make my mother proud (or at least get her to shut up about all my negative qualities), and pave the way for my future.  And somehow I started crashing within the first week.  I don't know how it happened.  I was on-campus, waiting for my class to start, but when it came time for me to walk to my classroom, I just walked straight to the parking lot and drove away. It's not like I didn't realize what I was doing; it was a conscious choice.
It's weird; I often feel trapped at school. Like it actually hurts somehow to go to class.  I didn't feel that way at TCC; it was fine there.  At UTA, however, I feel like I'm climbing into an oven when I force myself to walk through the door and sit down.  It's not like the school is bad or anything; it's a great school, and I actually like it a lot.
There's just something strange in me that feels like it's being torn out of my heart when I go to school.
Maybe it's that, for once in my life, I actually need to focus on something that doesn't directly involve my imagination.

See, I'm an only child, and was homeschooled my entire life.  I spent most of my early years at home, with nothing to do but delve into my own imaginary adventures.  Even later, when I actually had friends that I saw semi-regularly, I was stuck in my own head.  And it's never stopped.  Seriously, it's weird.
I have a strange kind of comfort in the fact that I can retreat into my imagination whenever I feel the need to do so.  If I'm ever lonely, I instinctively imagine that I've got a friend with me.  It's so habitual that it's actually harder for me to actually clear my mind and force myself to realize that I'm alone.  Which may be why school hurts so badly: it forces me to actually deal with the real world and give it my full attention.  Now, I can do that in most circumstances anyway, but only if it distracts me enough or interests me enough to keep me from feeling that empty feeling that I get when I realize that all I really have to do is school and nothing else.
I don't have a family; not really. My mother doesn't count. (it's complicated)
I don't have a girl to love, despite the fact that she-whom-I-do-not-yet-know dominates many of my thoughts.
I have some friends; I really do appreciate them more than they know. (if you're reading this, then apparently you're among them.)
But overall, I feel like I'm lacking a measure of comfort; like the reality of my life is a carpet of steel spikes.  And I have no idea what to do about it.