Saturday, October 31, 2009


So I have this new story I've been working on, called Teen Justice.
I need people to read the story and comment on it.  Comments are important; they keep me going with it and give important feedback.  I need to know what things you guys like about the story, so I can figure out how to proceed.

Thanks, people. :D

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Fight to Live

My thought for the day:

Don't live to fight another day.  Fight to live another day.

Saturday, October 24, 2009


I've recently been playing a lot of Lego Star Wars with Trey.
Trey, for those not in the know, is a seven-year-old boy (his birthday was two days ago) who, along with his Aunt, lives with us.  He doesn't really have a strong male figure in his life, so I guess I qualify as both an older brother and a semi-father figure.  He definitely takes after me in a lot of the same ways that I took after my dad.
We like a lot of the same things, including Lego, Star Wars, and video games.  Naturally, therefore, one of our favorite activities is playing an amalgamation of the three: Lego Star Wars: The Video Game.
For his birthday, he got a Nintendo Wii (Yay!) and Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga.

The game is awesome.  It's got playable Lego versions of every character from the entire saga.  Luke Skywalker? Check. Luke Skywalker in his outfit from The Empire Strikes Back? Check.  That four-armed diner owner from Attack of the Clones?  Check.  Those Royal Guard guys that always stood next to the Emperor with those cool pikes, but did nothing? Check.  Four different versions of Obi-Wan Kenobi, each with slightly altered lightsaber combat styles that correspond with his evolving fighting style from each of the first four episodes? Check.
Even better is the fact that it's really fun, yet simple enough for Trey to understand.  There's a great feeling that comes from fighting alongside a little brother against the forces of the Empire; it's completely irreplicable.  When Trey (as R2-D2) plugs into a nearby computer system and opens a door, while I (as Luke Skywalker) defend him from blaster fire using my lightsaber.  It's that feeling of of cooperation, of brotherhood, of camaraderie.  It's amazing.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Geekdom and TV Shows

So I decided awhile back that I didn't want to make this into a geek-blog.  I think it may have been an attempt to (A) get myself away from my constant mental fixation on things of the geek realm and (B) impress a certain girl with my not-geekness.

But hey, geekdom is, in truth, what is often on my mind, so maybe I shouldn't avoid it so forcefully.

But, that being said, geekdom is only part of my post today.

I've been watching several TV shows lately: The Office, 30 Rock, Stargate Universe, and Star Wars: The Clone Wars.  I've had rather different opinions on all four of them.

The Office:
Still funny, even if its concept is getting a little more soap operaish and less flat-out funny. Still, though, this clip may be the best thing I've ever seen in my entire life:

30 Rock:
This may be my new favorite comedy. It's dazzlingly well-written, quirky and charming as all get-out, and somehow manages to balance everything into a single visual narrative that's so entertaining that it boggles the mind.
I love this show. :D

Stargate Universe:
Eh. This iteration of Stargate is much more in line with Battlestar Galactica, which sounds good on paper. Unfortunately, it's a little boring at times. Well, most of the time, actually. It's enjoyable enough to keep watching, but it still seems to be stuck in the same place after five whole episodes. Oh well. It's definitely got potential, so I'll keep watching.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars:
So last season, my main complaint was that the episodes were too self-contained, and didn't have enough consequences for the entire overall story. Well, now we have episodes that practically run straight into one another, thus creating an interesting dilemma: the episodes don't have real endings. Now that I've got my wish, I suddenly wish that I could take it back. I would prefer it if I didn't have to wait a whole week or three just to get a complete story. Ugh.
Oh well. The animation is better than ever, and the story is definitely more mature this time around. Yay?

Dollhouse is still weird.

Thursday, October 15, 2009


Can my friends-who-are-girls PLEASE stop getting together with stupid guys?
Seriously, they're not that hard to spot.

Monday, October 12, 2009

English Academia is moronic

So I've come to a sad conclusion:
English academia is really messed up.

Doing a ton of research last week, I discovered that "published essays," which are, essentially, the pinnacle of literary criticism and discussion, are incredibly flawed.

They are perfectly adequate as a technical medium, relying mainly on the citing of sources and the repetition of main points.  However, they lack real artistry: that ability that language possesses to sweep the reader up into a vivid mental journey through the dense forests of detail and irony; to carry the reader's mind through the endless circles of human paradox; to enrapture the soul of the reader in a whirlwind of knowledge and perhaps-truths.

(See how awesome that was?)

I have a rather unique mental ability: I can read the English language to the point where my mind essentially rides its words like a flowing river.  When a sentence is written incorrectly, it jars my brain as if I've just slammed into a rock in the middle of the stream.  That's how it often feels when I read a "professional" essay.

Academic writing is so stiff and overladen with detail that it's sickening.  It's making me seriously reconsider any ideas that I had before about becoming an English teacher.

Sunday, October 11, 2009


So I liked this one girl for a long while.

And I think her boyfriend (whom she is now broken up with) may have been/is gay.

Not quite sure what to think about that. On one hand, it's like "wow; I feel so much better about myself now that I can see how pathetic he is" (for basically lying to her and himself by pretending not to be gay).
On the other hand, it's like "she still completely ignored me and dated him for all that time. Does that make me even more pathetic?"

Thursday, October 8, 2009

In Noctem

Carry my soul into the night
May the stars light my way.
I glory in the sight
As darkness takes the day.

Ferte in noctem animam meam
Illustrent stellae viam meam
Aspectu illo glorior
Dum capit nox diem

Cantate vitae canticum
Sine dolore actae
Dicite eis quos amabam
Me numquam obliturum

Sing a song, a song of life
Made without regret
Tell the ones, the ones I loved
I never will forget.

I'm Stuck

So I'm a rather huge dilemma.

Like, possibly life-altering.

I've never actually told anyone this before, but here goes.

So, as I said in an earlier post, skipping classes was a very very very bad idea.  I got stuck in a place where I couldn't even start going back to class again because I was so far behind.  Well, now it's the same situation, but far worse.
Basically, nothing's improved.  I'm doing alright in one of my English classes now, but the workload for even that one class is getting pretty steep.  My History class is a blessing in that there are no assignments other than tests, so as long as I stay up-to-date with the material then I should be fine.  My other three classes are not going so wonderfully.

I've already missed one major assignment in my British Lit class, I'm extremely far behind on my English Grammar class (and my teacher is very unlikely to be forgiving of my absence), and my grade in my German class can only be saved by an act of God.
And I have tests for all five classes the week after next.

Now, see, here's the thing: what do I do at this point?  Do I just drop my classes to save my G.P.A.?  If I do, then I'll have wasted a couple thousand dollars in student loan money.  If I don't drop the classes, and work my absolute hardest on all five of them for the remainder of the semester, can I get anything better than a C in each of them?  I mean, the only class I'm actively attending is the one that's the most demanding, and I'm doubtful that I can get an A in that class despite the fact that English is by far my best subject.  If I work hard and actually do things right from here on out, then can I still get anything better than a 2.5 grade average?  I mean, because I transferred this semester, my G.P.A. is wiped clean and brand-new.  My 3.29 grade average from my last school won't do anything to help my current G.P.A.  And what's that going to do for me? It'll only hurt my chances of getting a good job and qualifying for some desperately-needed scholarships.  It's like there's nothing I can do.

And I feel horrible about all of this.  I really don't understand why all of this happened.  I've never been a bad student before; in high school I was beloved by all my teachers, and was known as one of the best and brightest students.  Heck, my personality type is statistically the best for being a student.  So why on Earth have I acted so stupidly?

It's a cycle; every semester I screw up, but promise myself that it'll be better next semester, and that I'll actually put in effort and do things right.  And every time I believe it.  I went into this semester thinking that I was doing great; that I was finally going to live up to my potential, make my mother proud (or at least get her to shut up about all my negative qualities), and pave the way for my future.  And somehow I started crashing within the first week.  I don't know how it happened.  I was on-campus, waiting for my class to start, but when it came time for me to walk to my classroom, I just walked straight to the parking lot and drove away. It's not like I didn't realize what I was doing; it was a conscious choice.
It's weird; I often feel trapped at school. Like it actually hurts somehow to go to class.  I didn't feel that way at TCC; it was fine there.  At UTA, however, I feel like I'm climbing into an oven when I force myself to walk through the door and sit down.  It's not like the school is bad or anything; it's a great school, and I actually like it a lot.
There's just something strange in me that feels like it's being torn out of my heart when I go to school.
Maybe it's that, for once in my life, I actually need to focus on something that doesn't directly involve my imagination.

See, I'm an only child, and was homeschooled my entire life.  I spent most of my early years at home, with nothing to do but delve into my own imaginary adventures.  Even later, when I actually had friends that I saw semi-regularly, I was stuck in my own head.  And it's never stopped.  Seriously, it's weird.
I have a strange kind of comfort in the fact that I can retreat into my imagination whenever I feel the need to do so.  If I'm ever lonely, I instinctively imagine that I've got a friend with me.  It's so habitual that it's actually harder for me to actually clear my mind and force myself to realize that I'm alone.  Which may be why school hurts so badly: it forces me to actually deal with the real world and give it my full attention.  Now, I can do that in most circumstances anyway, but only if it distracts me enough or interests me enough to keep me from feeling that empty feeling that I get when I realize that all I really have to do is school and nothing else.
I don't have a family; not really. My mother doesn't count. (it's complicated)
I don't have a girl to love, despite the fact that she-whom-I-do-not-yet-know dominates many of my thoughts.
I have some friends; I really do appreciate them more than they know. (if you're reading this, then apparently you're among them.)
But overall, I feel like I'm lacking a measure of comfort; like the reality of my life is a carpet of steel spikes.  And I have no idea what to do about it.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009


Many of you will be familiar with this scenario.  Guy A ("Clark") is friends with (and sort of likes) Girl A ("Chloe"), but Girl A is dating Guy B ("Ian").  Clark is a genuinely good person, and suspects that Ian isn't that great of a guy.  Being a good friend, he brings this up with Chloe.

Let's see how this plays out.

Clark:  Hey, Chloe, I wanted to talk to you about something.
Chloe: Sure; what's up?
Clark: Well, it's about Ian.
[Chloe becomes suddenly suspicious.  Her eyes narrow, and she slightly frowns.]
Clark: I don't think he's that great of a guy.
[Chloe becomes defensive and irritated]
Chloe: Why would you say something like that?
Clark: I heard him talking to some of his other friends about "some girl," and not in a really nice way.
Chloe: And, what? You think he was talking about me?  Come on, Clark; have you never said anything stupid just to impress your "bros?"
Clark: No, I haven't, and--
Chloe: Oh, that's right, because you're SO PERFECT.  Y'know what, Clark? It's not your business who I date.
Clark: No, that's not the point. I was just concerned for you!
Chloe: So making judgments about the guys I like is being "concerned?"  The world doesn't revolve around you!
Clark: Hey! I was just trying to make sure you didn't get hurt!
Chloe [firmly]: That's not your job, Clark. Leave me alone.

Chloe assumes that Clark is jealous, which he very well may be. However, Clark is, of course, correct in his assumption, and Chloe ends up being hurt.

Now, here's the question:
Was it right for Clark to say something in the first place?  After all, it was technically "not his business," but he acted out of concern for his friend's well-being.
It's true that Chloe probably would never have changed her mind about Ian, no matter what Clark said.  There was no way for Clark to do or say anything without being labeled "the bad guy."

I have been "Clark" many times before.  And I always will be.

Now, I don't always bring up the issue.  Sometimes I think that the girl in question is capable of figuring her current beau out for herself, so I leave her to do that.  However, that is often not the case.

No matter what, I am not going to just shut up and sit idly by when I have think that someone I care about is going to be hurt.
Girls, do me a favor and give me the benefit of a doubt, okay?