Sunday, December 6, 2009


I have a dilemma.

I feel like school doesn't matter.

It's weird, but I feel like I should be doing things that matter.  Slaying dragons, fighting hordes of goblins, firing torpedoes down the exhaust port of the Death Star, etc. Those are fantastical things, of course, but the point stands.
It's easy for me to understand why the big life-or-death things matter.  Somehow, though, I can't seem to comprehend why school is important.  I know why it's important, of course. But I don't feel it.  I don't have that drive to succeed in school.  The irony is that I technically have the ability to be the perfect student.  Seriously; I have the absolute best personality type for being a student, and I've got more than enough mental ability to take whatever the school system can throw at me.  Despite that, however, I have no motivation for it.  All I've got are vague promises that "one day it'll pay off," and that I'm "building my future."

I also realize that by ignoring school, I'm essentially dooming my hopes and dreams.  And, probably most disturbingly, that doesn't bother me nearly as much as it should.  I guess in a weird way, my hope has faded considerably over the past few years.  I've still got hope, but apparently not enough faith and will to carry it through. 

No one needs me; there's no princess who'll be doomed if I don't do the right thing.  The only person that'll be hurt (other than emotionally, of course) by my failure is me.  And I'm beginning to care less and less.

I don't know what to do.  I want to be the person who can stand up and make the right choices, but I feel like I don't have any real reason to.

I don't have a cause to fight for, and it's driving me insane.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Speaking from experience, I can tell you that you are correct - college is NOT a necessity. I recognize that this will be a very unpopular opinion. However, if you look at some of the most (financially) successful people in the world....they did not go to (or at least, finish) college.

    I, myself, only made it about half way through before I ended up at the EXACT same point as you are currently. I became disillusioned with the whole system. I wasn't being challenged enough, which led to boredom, which led to apathy, which led to me focusing on outside activities more than school, which led to failing classes, which led to dropping out in my 2nd year.

    But I was fortunate....I was smart and hard-working and ran into a lot of luck over the next decade. I ended up making more money in a few years than many people do in a lifetime.

    HOWEVER, as I said, I got REALLY LUCKY!!!!
    Some fantastic opportunities fell in my lap.
    Of course, I earned them afterwards.
    Goodness knows I earned them afterwards!!!

    But now I am at a point in my life where I spend hours pondering what I would teach my own children about college and life afterwards.

    I would want my children, primarily, to be happy. And while it is true that money certainly can not buy CAN buy FOOD! And a decent place to live where you don't feel afraid to walk out your door at night. And a car that isn't breaking down every week. And the ability to take vacations to get away from it all and experience the rest of the world.

    So, while I honestly believe college is not a necessity - I also do believe that it gives you more options. I have many close friends and family members who want to advance in their current companies, but can't because they don't have that piece of paper.

    Also, I think that "sticking it out" shows a lot of discipline and value for future gains over immediate gratification.

    Additionally, I have noticed in my personal life that the type of men who have graduated college tend to make better husbands....because their fortitude has already been tried and tested.

    Finally, after I dropped out of UT - I later took some classes at a community college once I moved back to Dallas. I approached those classes with such a different attitude because I WANTED to be there - I WANTED to learn - I was GRATEFUL for the opportunity, rather than feeling forced to be there because that's what society and my parents expected of me. Not only did I make a 100 in each of those classes, but I actually really enjoyed them and retained a lot which I still use to this day.

    So, if I could recommend anything - I would recommend you try to approach your classes with a renewed enthusiasm. View them as challenges to conquer (just like those dragons that need slaying) rather than mundane tasks that simply need to be accomplished.

    Don't just do the work - the bare minimum.
    Go above and beyond what they are asking of you! If they assign a 10-page written report, then also do a drawing or poem or PowerPoint presentation or make a documentary film or parody about the subject. Even if you never turn it in - it will engage your creative side and help you be more interested in what you're doing.